Project Runway is back! Yay! My second favourite thing, after watching the show, is reading the blogs on the Project Runway website. In the past there have been some fantastically bitchy blogs by Tim Gunn and Chris March, but other years have left me wanting more. It looks like this year is going to be one of those "wanting" years. There are certainly lots of blogs to choose from--Peach Carr, Laura Bennett, Nick Verreos, Mychael Knight and Jonathan Kayne--but only Kayne's seems to have any real potential for humour and bitchiness. So I think I'll do my own PR Blog (this time with a real blog!) again this year. No holding back on bitchiness here!
The first episode showed a "final audition" phase in which the Top 20 became the Top 16. It was fine, but it really wasn't any different from the same audition footage you see on virtually every competitive reality show these days (*ahem* America's Next Top Model, American Idol). What I really want to see is how the designers will fare in the workroom and on the runway!
Once the Final 16 are decided (goodbye, lady who cancelled her wedding, two guys with dumb hair, and girl with annoying voice...see ya) there is the obligatory champagne toast. Did anyone else notice that they made recovering alcoholic Bert hold a glass of champagne? If he has a relapse, it's all Project Runway's fault. The contestants are told to go to bed but to be ready for anything. The anything? Tim Gunn breaking into their rooms at five in the morning! They're told to "come as they are" and bring one sheet with them. That should have been a clue that this was their first challenge. If it were me, I would have been tempted to very quickly grab my largest bathrobe or prettiest t-shirt and put it on before I left. Would that have been cheating? I'm not sure, but some of those guys did have time to put on shirts and at least one contestant put on makeup (more on her later) so maybe I could have gotten away with it...
The contestants are brought to the workroom where--surprise!--they have to make their first outfit out of what they are wearing and the sheet they brought with them.
Anya is lucky to have a gorgeous kimono to work with, but wisely decides to challenge herself by making pants out of her bedsheet to show the judges she really can sew, or at least figure it out with "common sense," as she puts it. I think Anya is destined to be a fan favourite. She's gorgeous, she's a former Miss Universe contestant (as Miss Trinidad & Tobago), she has cool punk-rock glam hair, she's hard-working and self-taught AND humble, which is a rare combination. A lot of times those self-taught contestants seem to want constant praise for how amazing they are to have learned everything without any formal training, which the other contestants usually find annoying and delusional. Anya, however, seems really sweet and extremely capable, considering she's learning as she goes. I suspect her fellow competitors will be impressed by her for all of ten minutes before they start to get pissed off that she's a real threat in the competition. Either that or the first group challenge (next week, by the looks of it) will have them all ganging up on her because her lack of experience is dragging them down. Of course, considering how much better her FIRST pair of pants EVER were than Julie's (who has years of training and experience), Anya might not be the weakest link at all.
Another contestant who thought of himself as an underdog but really pulled it off was Bert, the afore-mentioned recovering alcoholic. Bert is sweet. He has the humble honesty of someone who has been through a lot in life, including a 12-step program, and you can't help but root for him. Plus, did you see the pictures of him as a young man with his late partner? They were model gorgeous! Is that enough reason to root for him? Yes, of course it is. I do hope that Bert stays loyal to his model, considering in the very first week he made her wear his dirty underwear as a bustier. Ewwwwww! I cannot stress enough how much this grossed me out. But his dress was cute and it was nice to see him do well.
Not all of the contestants seem like they'll be likable, however. I mean, thank god for that, or else the show wouldn't be nearly as good! Some assholes to watch seem to be:
Laura Kathleen, aka Barbie. In the first episode (and the preview episode, Road to the Runway, for those of you who watched that as well), Laura whines and complains about how people always call her Barbie because she's so blonde and pretty and glamourous. But that's not her, she insists! Ways in which Laura convinces us that she is NOT a Barbie: talking about how pretty and glamourous she is OVER and OVER and OVER, bragging about being a privileged pretty girl OVER and OVER, dropping her last name and referring to herself as "Laura Kathleen", sleeping in satin lacy pajamas (which, for the record, she DID turn into a killer runway look, I must say), and snapping at fellow designer Olivier and his model for "speaking foreign". Good thing she dispelled those stereotypes about being a Barbie.
Rafael. Oh sweet, dumb Rafael. He spends the whole first day of the challenge complaining that he CAN'T use the scarf on his head for the design because his hair looks too messy. Then, when he finally does use it (in a ridiculous way as a necklace) he complains on the runway that he had "time constraints" with that particular piece (the head scarf). Yeah, your time constraints were that you refused to take the damn thing off until the next day! Later, in interviews, Rafael made up some cryptic story about how the scarf had sentimental value because it was given to him by a friend and he wasn't just being vain. I'm calling bullshit on that one right now. It was just him being vain. Who is he kidding? This is the same delusional idiot who thought that Nina and he were "talking sex with their eyes" during the final audition process. Really, Rafael? Because on TV it looked like Nina was trying to either stay awake while listening to you talk or else trying to light your clothes on fire with her judgemental eyes.
I'm sure there will be more personality conflicts this season. That Joshua McKinley (the one with too much bronzer) seems like a bitchy diva (and maybe not too bright?) and Joshua Christensen (the pasty bald Mormon) seems like a delusional, obsequious crybaby ("Why didn't anyone TELL me my dress was bad??"). Becky Ross could go either way--fun or bitchy, or maybe both--but the most interesting thing about her is really the fact that her name sounds like Betsy Ross and I've decided that I'm never going to stop calling her that in my head. Yes, she has blue hair and yes, she was raised in a religious cult, but whenever she talks all I can think is Betsy Ross, Betsy Ross, Betsy Ross.
Oh, and I almost forgot Danielle! She seems like a big scary ball of crazy waiting to explode! She made arguably the ugliest garment on the runway. It looked like it belonged in a Saturday Night Live commercial for the new line of Mom Jeans: Mom Shorts for Mountain Climbing Amish Moms! And yet she was SO convinced that she should win that she bitchily complained backstage that she was "in the wrong group" because she was only "safe." "That's not good enough," she muttered with a crazy glint in her eye. That girl seems far too tightly wound to be trusted in a room full of strangers and access to sharp scissors.
Of course, she was not the only delusional designer this week. Cecilia also thought that her bunched up skirt with the peek-a-boo butt should have given her the win, Joshua Christensen thought he had struck gold with his look that his model looked angry just to be seen in, and Rafael didn't seem to see anything wrong with his look (which Michael Kors aptly described as looking like the model had eaten a big meal and was severely bloated).
Here are all the runway looks:
In the end, Rafael, Joshua and Julie found themselves in the bottom three and Rafael was OUT. It's a shame, because he might have been fun to watch for a few more weeks, but I think I would have found him annoying very fast. Besides, his look was dreadful. Bye, Rafael! Try not to talk too much sex with your eyes on your way out!
As for the top three, I thought the judges had quite a few to choose from. I was glad that they recognized Anya's achievement with the pants, even if the crotch was a tad bunchy in the front, and Bert's super cute underwear dress, even if his styling was outdated and ridiculous. I wasn't as keen on Anthony "One Ball" Ryan's look. I mean, he made his t-shirt into a t-shirt and added a pubic patch to a mini skirt. Top Three? Really? I think they really overlooked Bryce and Laura's looks and maybe even Fallene's. But in the end Bert WON! Good for him!
NEXT WEEK: Looks like it's already a group challenge and you know what that means: BITCHES! BITCHES! BITCHES! I can't wait!
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