Project Runway Season 9 Episode 3--Go Big or Go Home

PR's first outdoor runway--presumably because the stilt models wouldn't fit inside.

The Challenge: STILTS?!?

Is it just me or is Heidi Klum better at walking a runway in stilts than actual stilt models? I was watching this week's episode of Project Runway with my beau (well, I was watching, he was using his exercise bike and couldn't control what was on TV--Ha!) and he wondered aloud if the whole challenge was based on the fact that Heidi secretly already knew how to walk in stilts. Hmmm. Maybe. I mean, she is pretty obsessed with Halloween and I've always suspected she has an inner weird girl inside a beautiful model's body. Maybe Heidi has a secret past as a circus nerd?

Or maybe Project Runway has simply run out of gimmicks.

CONFIRMED: Heidi Klum has experience with stilts. I totally forgot about this until now.

In general I'm not annoyed by the gimmicks. The female wrestlers, the recycling materials, the postal workers, the brides, the drag queens (LOVE LOVE LOVE THE DRAG QUEENS!!) but my favourite part of those challenges is seeing how the designers embrace the spirit of the weirdness. As in, does their design stay true to both themselves as designers and their clients as brides/drag queens/circus freaks? I loved when the designers had to make "superhero costumes" for the female wrestlers, for instance. The best looks were the ones that used colour, crazy prints, outrageous shapes. It would not have been as interesting if the designers had just made boring ready-to-wear American sportswear out of spandex and lycra and called it a day.

But lately (ever since PR switched networks perhaps?) it seems like the focus has been entirely on who can make the most commercial-looking, "classic American sportswear" ready-to-wear separates. In other words, Project Runway has become the search for the next Michael Kors.

From Michael Kors' Fall 2011 line. Because you can never have too much neutral. 

And yet they still have them doing gimmicky challenges and acting like it's okay to be outrageous, avante garde or downright crazy. "Think big," says Heidi while looking down at the designers from her massive stilts. "Reallly big." She tells them to create looks that are imaginative, eye-catching, "outside the box", and "truly larger than life." Oh Heidi, you say it but you don't mean it.

Tim told the designers to "think Paris couture week." This is a dress from Paris Couture Week 2011. Is this what he meant? It would have made a more interesting runway, but the judges would have had a hissy fit.

The designers will learn (too late for some of them) that the looks that make it to the top will be the ones that are not costume-y or "larger than life" but the ones that look the most like you could pick them up at a boutique at an upscale mall, cut off the bottom three feet of fabric, and walk out the door. This means that the matador costume from Josh and Julie, the gothic ballerina from Bryce and Fallene, and the Elizabethan/Victorian/Old Hollywood/Mae West concoction from Bert and Viktor are all in trouble. Anthony and Laura are VERY lucky that their "Alabama Plantation Girl" cage dress didn't work out.


The Workroom: Whip Em Out and Let's Measure!

One thing that was clear this week is that the designers are sizing each other up. They're starting to pick at each other (subtly, but I'm sure the all-out wars will come later) and assess who they think are "good" designers and who are not (Are they better than me? I hope they're not better than me. I'd better show them I'm better!). It seems like some of the designers are doing this by comparing who has the most knowledge or training and then using that as an excuse to be rude.

Some examples:

--Viktor spitballing ideas about a glamourous "Old Hollywood" look. Bert says, "Mae West?" and Viktor agrees, "Sure, like Mae West. We could make these great pants..." to which Bert feels the need to snap, "Mae West never wore pants in her life. No, she didn't. She wore skirts!" Um, Bert, did you miss the point? It's not about Mae West as a person, it's about Viktor struggling to come up with an idea that you can agree on. Later Viktor tries to describe a voluminous dress with a sexy bustier and collar piece, which he describes as Victorian. Cut to Bert saying, "Queen Victoria was in mourning for most of her life!" and lecturing Viktor, "That's Elizabethan, not Victorian. There's a difference!" Yeah, Bert, you're not wrong. What he was describing was Elizabethan, not Victorian. He misspoke. Now are you done being an asshole so you two can get back to talking about the dress??

--Danielle asking Cecilia if she was "comfortable with the fit" of her previous looks. Good for Cecilia for standing up to her! I love Cecilia's talking head interview, "Listen lady...!"

--Bryce obsessing about cutting on the grain then informing Fallene that it's all fresh in his mind because he's fresh out of school. "Did you ever go to school?" he asks her, pointedly.

--Julie asking Josh if a certain fabric could be pleated and him saying, as condescendingly as possible, "Oh Julie, anything in life can be pleated!" As if she's so silly for thinking otherwise. Except that he's completely wrong. Not every fabric pleats well. He's talking out of his ass and yet he's convinced himself that he is somehow the "authority" in this team.

--The refreshing exception to this kind of sniping seems to be the teams of Anya & Olivier and Anthony & Laura. Maybe it's because none of those people are insecure enough as designers to need to prove themselves this way. Anya didn't even seem scared that her partner had immunity this week. I like that girl.

The Runway: Awkward and weird, and yet boring too?

These stilt-walking models are weird. I mean, really weird. What the hell were they all doing with their arms? And their legs, for that matter? Was it the fault of the clothes or were these girls just strange? I didn't get it. Maybe they were just trying to add interest to clothes that were otherwise pretty boring, despite the fact that they were fifteen feet tall.

Not counting the unfortunate exception of last year's much-despised Gretchen, Project Runway has had one rule that is universally true: If you win the first challenge you won't win the season. You just won't. (Again, not counting the awful, awful Gretchen. In my mind Mondo won Season 8. Actually, in my mind Mondo won EVERY season.) But you might stick around way longer than you should thanks to the judges' favourable first impression of you.

Enter Bert.

He's clearly not going to win the season and he probably shouldn't even be here anymore. The producers seem to have sided with Viktor in the whole Bert-vs-Viktor drama because the footage that aired this week made Bert  look like an obstinate old drama queen (sure, it might just be the editing but it was hard to love Bert this week). Yet the judges took his side and Heidi even called Viktor "full of it." Really, Heidi? Is that your honest opinion or do you just have a soft spot for the old guy who won the first challenge? Either way, he can't possibly keep resting on his very thin laurels much longer and I'm sure he'll be sent home soon. Still, it's hard to see more interesting designers get the boot when there's someone whose time seems to be up already.

Poor Fallene.

It wasn't that I disagreed with the judges' decision to send her home, it's just...couldn't they have sent someone else first? If not Bert, then what about Bryce? He's kind of a dick. I know, that is not reason enough to send a good designer home, but...is he a good designer? No, I don't think so. He sniped, griped, lectured and gossiped about Fallene and her non-grain-following construction (FYI: Not every designer agrees that following the grain is the most important part of construction. There are plenty of clothiers who deliberately work against the grain in order to give clothes more give and sometimes even a better fit. But maybe if Bryce wasn't just "right out of school" he would know that.). He did everything but actually help her. What exactly was the reason that he couldn't do the bustier himself and give Fallene the pants? Oh yeah, he was too busy making a giant mesh tutu for ten minutes than gossiping about Fallene for eight hours. Bottom line is that his design sucked and he latched on to Fallene's lack of confidence and training as an excuse to take the lead and steamroll her. It's true that she shouldn't have let that happen and she probably deserved to go home just for that, but I still don't have to like Bryce.

Maybe next week will be a double elimination and he and Bert will both go home. A girl can dream.

So in the end, LAURA WINS and FALLENE IS OUT. Sad to see Fallene go, but she broke the cardinal rule: When the judges ask who should be gone, never say yourself. Good thing Julie & Josh's wasn't the bottom look or else it might have been Julie to go. On the upside, it was hilarious to see Laura talk about how great it was to work with such a gracious partner (Anthony Ryan recommended her for the win) and then immediately follow with "I nailed it! Immunity yeah! But now I'm going to win every challenge!" She learned so much about being gracious, clearly.

Next week: FINALLY! NINA GARCIA IS THE CLIENT!! With Fallene and Josh C. gone, I wonder who will cry?