So I watched the series premiere of Fashion Star and I'm not sure what to think. It has some cool ideas, like having buyers from major retailers onstage to give instant feedback in the form of monetary offers to the designers. On the other hand, it has a lot of flash. A lot. Maybe too much.
As I was watching it I described it as "going to a planetarium during a light show." It still has some cool stuff, being a planetarium and all, but it's hard to see the constellations with all the smoke and lasers and marijuana smell. At this point my partner Mike laughed at me for saying "it's still cool, like a planetarium" because I'm that kind of nerd.
Okay, I've never really been to a planetarium, but I am kind of a nerd about fashion-based reality shows. Project Runway is obviously the benchmark and the rest are just various kinds of knock-offs. The question is, will this one be worth the trouble? Well, it's on CTV.ca so I won't have trouble finding episodes, so let's give it a go.
The main premise of the show seems to be as follows:
Host Elle McPherson gets designers to present their designs in a flashy runway show in front of the judges (Jessica Simpson, Nicole Ritchie and that other guy) and buyers from Macy's, Saks Fifth Avenue and H&M. If the buyers like the looks, they make an offer. The highest bid will then carry the designs in their store, which will be available the next day. If no one makes an offer then the designer is up for elimination. Later, the judges have to decide who, of the losing designers, stays and who goes home.
In the first episode, it seemed like a whole bunch of designers went home and only one was saved (we'll talk about him in a minute) so I'm not sure what's going to happen next week. At this rate, the series could be over in three episodes.
Ultimately the winner is supposed to win a contract worth $6 million that includes being carried in all three stores, a prize that apparently none of the judges even have. Gee, I wonder why that could be? Could it be because their judges (or "mentors") are really just models or pop starlets (or whatever the hell Nicole Ritchie is) who have vanity lines and aren't real designers?
Fashion Star is to Project Runway what American Idol is to The Voice. It's flashier, showier, more likely to have actual fireworks at any given moment, and has "mentors" who everyone has heard of but whose credentials are iffy at best. Want to know how to really make it in the music industry? Why not ask Cee-Lo? He did have that one novelty song that was a medium-to-big hit, that one time. Want to know how to be a real fashion designer? Clearly you should ask Nicole Ritchie. Why wouldn't you?
But none of that matters because the real star of Fashion Star is Oscar Fierra. The pint-sized designer seems to made up entirely of flamboyance and the ability to always find his light. He may not be able to design very well, but who cares? He "reality shows" extremely well. That's right, if "reality show" were a verb, Oscar would be reality showing at an advanced level.
But there is one thing about Oscar that intrigues me (confuses me...traumatizes me...) more than anything else. If you didn't notice this in the first viewing of this show, you must go back and rewatch it. Skip to the part where they do Oscar's home visit. Did you see it? No, it's not the wall of colourful hats. Not the room of doll-sized ball gowns that he seems to making just for himself. Nope, not the miniature pony he rides around town so he can feel like a giant. No, it's the crib. That's right. The crib.
For some reason, Oscar has a baby crib in his room next to the bed. Now I know it's a crib because it's almost identical to my daughter's crib. And I also know that Oscar doesn't have kids in his house. He does have dogs. Do the dogs sleep in the crib? Maybe. Or maybe...
That's right. I'm suggesting that it's possible that Fashion Star's Oscar Fierro has some strange fetish and sometimes sleeps in a crib. Do I know this for a fact? No, of course not. But I have so many questions...
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