SEASON 10! HOLY HELL! SEASON TEN!

Project Runway is back!! Those are the sweetest words in the reality TV vernacular! Okay, before I say anything about the new season, I just have to get one thing off my chest. And it's about chests. Specifically, Heidi Klum's chest in the PR Season 10 promo pic above. So, she looks gorgeous as always. I'm not sure why she's in her underwear but..LOOK AT HER! No one's complaining, least of all me. I even like the little feathered sweep of her hair that makes her look like a sexier version of Lindsay Wagner from The Bionic Woman (scroll down for a pic if you're too young to get that reference). But my one complaint is this. Does anyone else think it looks like she's cutting off her own nipple with those scissors?!?

Okay, let's move on. (BUT PLEASE BE CAREFUL, HEIDI!!)

If you watched this season's Road to the Runway and first episode, you've been bombarded with information and designs from the sixteen contestants of Season 10. It's always hard to sift through them all at the beginning of the season, so before we look at the first episode (which will be the next post), let's take a look at the contestants.

In alphabetical order...

ALICIA
Age: 27
Claims being a lesbian designer (Lesbian? You don't say!) sets her apart because she's influenced by menswear. Being "influenced by menswear" is about as unique in a design competition as "being influenced by Asian cuisine" is in a cooking competition. Next she'll tell us that her next collection will be "military inspired." Yawn.
Red Flag: No matter how tragically outside of the mainstream a lesbian tomboy designer claims to be, the tomboy look, much like white girls with dreads, is hardly unique.

ANDREA
Age: 58
The "grandma" of the bunch, she's a seasoned designer and art professor who's proof that fashion design is NOT a recession proof industry. She seems nice enough, but this picture is making me cringe so much I have cramps now. I have a feeling I may like everything she says and hate everything she does.
Best Line: Who keeps calling me "girl"? I love it!
Red Flag: Uh, look at that picture. Good god. Her shapes and proportions don't make sense to me unless she's literally designing for a cartoon.

BEATRICE
Age: 29
Nick Verreos warned she may be a "one trick knit queen" and he probably has a point. She claims to do "mostly knits" but she failed to mention that she also does "mostly grey, sad, poorly tailored knits that will make you sad." Although if she had said that, I might not have been so disappointed by her looks.
Red Flag: If you've seen the first episode, you already know.

BUFFI 
Age: 31
Half Indian, half Australian, with a British passport (aww now I want a British passport) and a home in Dubai, Buffi is tacky on a global scale. She takes on tackiness as a challenge! But I like her. Couldn't you just see yourself getting fabulously drunk with her? She's definitely the one I'd want to hang out with at the party (but I might not let her pick my outfit).
Best Line: I created a diet called fegan. It's fake vegan so you can eat whatever you want. How good is that diet?
Red Flag: Those spangly shorts that she claims are her uniform. I know that she understands that they're tacky but I don't think she understands that they're also ugly. It seems immature to me, not just because the shorts themselves are juvenile, but because her attachment to her "signature look" smacks of something she will completely regret in a few years. She's holding on to a tacky, spangly crutch!

CHRISTOPHER
Age: 24
Has severe asthma, had a heart attack in high school (Jesus!) and looks exactly like if Michael Costello finally lost the weight and stopped apologizing all the time. LOVE LOVE LOVE his bizarre feud with Gunnar, mostly because of Christopher's facial expressions to the camera when Gunnar is being a bitchy baby at him.
Best Line: (about Gunnar) He should be on Toddlers and Tiara, not Project Runway. Wrong show.
Red Flag: On his inspiration wall in his audition tape he has a picture of an ad for Justin Beiber's fragrance Someday. Oh god, the new designers are young.

DMITRY
Age: 33
Eastern European love child between Marilyn Manson and Spencer Rice (from Kenny vs Spenny, scroll down for a pic), but with uglier clothes. In Road to the Runway the judges greenlighted him in part because of the clothes he was wearing, so I guess ugly "Severus Snape with a hangover" clothes are in.
Best Line: (about Melissa) She looks like a groupie. Is that the right word? All she needs is a guitar.
Red Flag: Seems to have an unnatural fondness for ugly sparkly ballgowns from the 80s, done badly. Since Dynasty is off the air (and even when it was on the air, had better tailoring) he may be in trouble.

ELENA
Age: 28
Another dark and mysterious Eastern European, her portfolio is filled with black clothes inspired by warriors and video games. Her look book is like a music video shoot--cool and edgy and high fashion. The problem is that they don't look nearly as good on the runway. In fact, her models look kind of fat and awkward. Hopefully this isn't a trend because that could be a problem indeed.
Best Line: (when showing Tim a black and cream dress) Is this colour, like, too over the top?
Red Flag: She might be crazy and could be a fighter. (Oooh I hope so!!)

FABIO
Age: 29
If I knew him in real life, I feel like all my male friends would beg me to introduce them to him...at first. He's kind of groovy, he's Brazilian, he hugs, and he's got a killer beard. Then they would get tired of that ultra hippie hipster bullshit. ("I have empty frames on my walls because then it shows I'm not afraid of empty space."). It's not that my friends aren't also hippie hipsters (I know people whose job description is "professional rug hooker." No bullshit.) BUT....Fabio is a "freegan" which means he doesn't go grocery shopping except from dumpsters. Motherfucking dumpsters. I'm breaking up with him right now.
Red Flag: Besides the dumpster diving?! Well, how about the fact that in his bio he brags about the skirt he made from 15 neckties when he was a student. Oh god, a necktie skirt? Do you know ANY fashion student who DIDN'T make a necktie skirt?! I thought it was cool the FIRST time I saw one, made by a sixteen-year-old aspiring designer in my high school. But unless you're currently a sixteen-year-old, you should never admit that you've made a necktie skirt.

GUNNAR
Age: 22
Was immediately kicked off of PR Season 9 and is determined to be on TV for longer this time. Also, talks like a Kardashian for no apparent reason.
Best Line: I'm pretty quirky, like I have a thousand different things going on in my head all the time. Like right now I'm thinking about I want another Starbucks mocha. I mean, that's just kinda like in the space somewhere in my head. (If I didn't know better I would think this was said--or written--as a satire of artsy reality show contestants. It sounds like it could be in a Christopher Guest movie about aspiring Project Runway contestants it's so ridiculous.)
Red Flag: What ISN'T a red flag with Gunnar? He's like the dumbest, bitchiest, most juvenile gay friend you ever had, the one you only put up with because he had just come out a few years ago and he was still really young and maybe he'd grow out of his bitchiness and he was always fun to go clubbing with. But I'm not going clubbing with Gunnar. I'm watching him trying to be a reality TV star while acting like a bitchy child. It's not cute.

KOOAN
Age: 30
He's kooky. He's all about Japanese street culture. He's a harajuku boy. He's kooky. He (somehow) has a giant afro that he claims is his real hair. Did I mention kooky? Kooan wants you to know how kooky he is. EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. Is it an affectation or is he really like that? I don't know. The judges are already nervous. He reminds me of the Harajuku Girl characters on Portlandia (see below).
Best Line: various nonsensical noises
Red Flag: various nonsensical noises

LANTIE
Age: 48
Acts like she's a twenty-year-old sorority sister, babbling on about being a "pretty girl" who only hangs out with other "pretty girls" and complaining about her daddy cutting her off for going to design school. Oh, what an adorably spoiled child she is! She's incorrigible! Except that she's probably menopausal. Seriously, Lantie, who the fuck are you kidding? Cut the girlish shtick. You're old enough to have hot flashes. I'm not trying to be ageist. I'm not hating on her because she's middle aged (and she is, make no mistake). I'm hating on her because she's acting like a little girl, and clearly on purpose.
Red Flag: She told Heidi that all her looks don't have that stupid bib detail in the front, but there is little evidence of that. All of the clothes she has worn or made so far, as well as all of the clothes in her audition and her portfolio (except the coats) have that bib detail in the front. So yeah, it's a thing. It's a stupid thing she does.
Bonus Red Flag: Her "made at home" look wasn't even really made at home, since she just restyled a vintage dress. Patricia Field called her a step above a stylist and a step below a designer. Ouch.

MELISSA
Age: 31
She's a cross between April from Season 8 (and All Stars) and Amanda Zimm from Ready or Not (see below). She's blonde and pretty and perky and then she throws black paint over that whole image. I kinda like her. I hope she has the goods to back it up.
Best Line: I took one political science class and I looked around and I was like, 'These are not my people.'
Red Flag: Well, she is really married to that one colour palette--I mean, colour. Can she make anything that isn't black?

NATHAN
Age: 33

I remember vaguely liking him and sort of liking his designs, but I can't for the life of me remember a single thing about him. Pass.

RAUL
Age: 27
It sounded like he pronounces his name "Rule" instead of "Rah-ule" so I'll have to listen for that. I'm not terribly impressed by him. He seems like a poseur. Like he's the guy with the million affectations. He's the guy with the black jeggings, the guy with the hats, the guy with the stupid pointy bangs in the front, the guy who "doesn't care about trends" but follows all of them...or at least all of the ones from three years ago.
Red Flag: Thinks Ven's amazing flower corset suit is "old school and bad" and yet DOESN'T think that Dmitry's drugstore Dynasty costume is. I would be surprised if he has any good taste at all.

SONJIA
Age: 27
Her name is pronounced "SON-GEE" not "SON-YAA" but that might be the most interesting thing about her. So far she's forgettable and her clothes aren't helping to make her memorable. According to the PR website, she's one of the more popular designers so far, but I can't see why. I just don't see it.
Red Flag: Ruffled blue denim shirt with matching blue hair. Oh sweet Jesus, I'm not going to make it through this horror.

VEN
Age: 28
It's nice to see the guy from Stargate SG-1 has found his true calling as a fashion designer. Ven is South American and (apparently) 28 (really? not 48? okay...). Already showing off his superb tailoring skills, he could be this season's Rami.
Red Flag: Maybe none. He's pretty good so far. He might have trouble with the variety of challenges coming up, but I think he'll do pretty well.

I think so far my top picks are Ven and Christopher, with an eye on Andrea, Kooan, Nathan, Fabio and Melissa. How about you? Any favourites yet?

Lindsay Wagner as The Bionic Woman (also, Heidi)

Spencer Rice from Kenny vs Spenny (also, Dmitry)

Harajuku Girls from Portlandia (also, Kooan)

Dumpster Diving for a Dinner Party from Portlandia (also, Fabio)

Laura Bertram as Amanda Zimm from Ready or Not (also, Melissa)

Christopher Judge from Stargate SG-1 (also, Ven)

Next post: EPISODE ONE RECAP!!!

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 12: Finale Part 2

So PRAS is over and the final runway came down to the last three boys standing: Austin, Mondo and Michael C. But in a surprise twist, Gretchen from Season 8 swooped in and somehow managed to win the whole show, even though no one likes her and she wasn't even competing! How weird is that??

No, she didn't. But if she had, I could not have possibly have been more outraged about it than I already was when she did that in her own season. Gretchen beat Mondo? Seriously? How did that even HAPPEN?

But thankfully Mondo has finally been vindicated and everyone agrees that he is the prettiest boy in the room and everyone loves him. Hooray!

I did feel a *little* bad for Austin since he did such a great job but honestly, he did pretty well considering that he came from a season in which people barely made sleeves throughout the competition because they didn't know how! Mondo and Michael represented a season in which the competition was MUCH stiffer.

Okay, speaking of stiffer, are Mondo and Michael a couple? I'd been avoiding thinking about it because it's just too much gushy crying to contemplate (Can you picture those two watching a long distance calling plan commercial together? They'd be inconsolable!) but in the final episode they did seem like more than just co-dependent friends. And did Mondo say to Michael something like "wait to we tell Mom"? I'm confused. Isn't Mondo's mom dead and Michael's mom disowned him? Now in my head I'm picturing them as a couple and Michael's mom has reconciled with him because now she has Mondo, the son she always wanted.

But in any case, it's pretty obvious that the right guy won. And good for Michael for hanging on as long as he did. As for Austin, maybe he'll do another season of On the Road with Austin & Santino (fingers crossed!!).

Fashion Star--Season 1, Episode 2--Who's Your Customer?

It's Project Runway--without the project, and with WAY more runway. It's just all runway.


It's Week Two of Fashion Star and I continue to not quite "get" this show. I thought half of them went home last week, which was confusing because at that rate the whole season could last a month. But now they're all back this week, so that's even more confusing. What exactly is the end goal here? I'm so confused.

It's like they all decided that the "runway" was the best part of Project Runway, so they REALLY focused on that and kept everything else to a minimum. The runway show itself is at least 75% of the show. And the stage has so many bells and whistles (and giant TV screens) that it reminds me of The Running Man. But everything else--behind the scenes, interpersonal drama, judges/mentors input, designer back stories, even just explaining the concept of the show--all of it is condensed into two minute montages. Is that enough? Obviously not for me because I have no idea what's going on.




Okay, so maybe I'm just not paying attention. Then again, maybe the reason I'm not paying attention is because this show isn't that great. I'll keep watching, but I can't promise to care.

One thing I do know for sure is that I'm not the only person who thinks Oscar Fierro might sleep in a baby crib, just for funsies. Jessica Simpson revealed having a dream in which she gave birth to him and changed his diapers. What was Oscar's reaction? Was he repulsed or excited? I couldn't tell.



So to recap: Some of the designers got orders. Some did not. What does that mean for next week? Uh...nothing? I'm not sure. Apparently Oscar is going home. Hmm, that's a shame.

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 11: Finale Part 1

In Which We Learn that Joanna Coles Doesn't Do Home Visits for NUTHIN'

So it's down to the final three and we're all waiting to see the "All Star" collections. Unfortunately, Angela has a little news for the designers. There will be no taking a few months to design a collection, there will be no home visits a la Tim Gunn, there will be no waiting until Fashion Week to find out who wins. No, they all have just four days--count 'em, FOUR--to design and present a mini collection of five looks. And they can visit with Joanna at her workspace, aka the Marie Claire offices.

From the designers lack of fake surprise, I suspect they already knew most of this. Maybe I was supposed to have known it all along too, but just wasn't paying attention. I was probably distracted by Angela's lisp. Either way, these boys had better get a move on.


Above: Mondo looking serious. Very, very serious. My partner Mike saw this picture and he said, "It's like the worst heist movie." To which I replied, "Or the BEST heist movie!" I would go see that movie in a heartbeat.

The Three Gayskateers (no?) get packed up and head over to the high rise in the sky known as Joanna Coles office. After being made to wait (though if you saw the shoes she was wearing it may not have been intentional, she might have just needed the extra twenty minutes to make it down the hall) Austin, Mondo and Michael are allowed to ask a few questions (this time NOT bra-related).

Above: Notice anything about the Marie Claire cover in JOANNA "WHERE'S THE BRA?"COLES' office? Yeah, that's right. The model--presumably dressed by Joanna Coles--IS NOT WEARING A BRA. Of course she isn't. Women in high fashion photo shoots don't often wear bras. Or if they do, they wear complicated "versions" of bras that involve sticky tape and creative straps. Sure, we all prefer to wear bras and for some of us they're a must, but Joanna Coles has GOT to get over this. It can't be the ONLY question she asks designers! It's like critiquing a shoe designer by ONLY asking, "Can she run in them?"

Now it's time to sketch, shop and begin work.

Michael is inspired by the greenness of nature and his own desire to make sure everybody likes him. I think Michael has some serious Mommy issues. Whenever he's around a strong female he just obsesses over how to make sure she likes him. He spends most of the episode debating whether his collection will make Angela, Joanna, Georgina, his models and his Surrogate Fashion Mommy Diane von Furstenberg happy.

Above: Michael, seen here with his imaginary friend, Every Woman He's Ever Met Who Will Validate Him and Tell Him He's a Good, Good Boy

Austin just wants to be a pretty, pretty lady. There's just never enough tuille and hair spray for Austin Scarlett and I'm just fine with that.

Above: One for the model, one for me, one for the model, one for me...

Mondo, on the other hand, is having none of it. He's gone into a full-on Mondo Snit complete with tears, self-doubt, anger that people have such high expectations of him in the first place, and finally a flat out refusal to even do any work because he doesn't want to bother to "waste his time." In other words, an exaggerated version of how he behaves in every challenge. Eventually he'll find inspiration in his own turmoil (like he always does) and design a collection around the theme of "craziness" that will be brilliant but will look exactly like everything else he's designed in the past, so why did he need to freak out in the first place? Mondo is all of the things people associate with the "tempermental artist" personality. He's probably the most interesting and talented of the three but he's got a process and he rarely varies it (the process being, "freakout, breakdown, regroup, work, win"). Meanwhile, he finds time to make fun of Michael for being too emotional and Austin for being too queeny. Riiiiiiiight.

Above: Georgina Chapman explains the key to freaking out is...not.

All three of the designers, even Mondo, do feel a little better after a brief visit from Georgina Chapman. She explains how she used to be prone to torturous self-doubt and freakouts, to the point that she was afraid that if she didn't have a meltdown she wouldn't be as creative. But she also learned to control herself by, well, not freaking out. It's a good thing they got this advice from her. I don't think Isaac Mizrahi could have even gotten the words out without erupting in a hissy fit. That man is never more than a few breaths away from a freakout. 

Above: Isaac, looking as composed as he can manage.

As anyone who has ever watched Project Runway (or been a contestant) knows, you can't have a final challenge without two things: "unexpected" helpers in the form of past contestants and some sort of twist (that almost always involves adding another piece at the last minute). So when the past "all-stars" came in, no one was surprised. 

Above: What in the hell is Sweet P wearing?!?

What was surprising was that no one picked Rami to be their assistant! Mondo had first pick and he chose Mila. Okay, not a terrible choice since she has great construction skills and does a lot of colour blocking, which means she's good at adding fabrics together without making them bunchy or having the seams look ugly, definitely a plus for Mondo's designs. Plus, she's not to gossipy or emotional so you don't have to babysit her while you're trying to work. Solid choice.

Above: Mila, willing Mondo not to make her touch colourful fabric. If there's neon she'll scream.

Then Mondo lets Austin choose next. Pick Rami! Nope, he picks ANTHONY! Why? Austin starts telling him about historical dress and Hasidic menswear and poor Anthony is nodding like an idiot. All Anthony wants is a little more airtime and here he is, being expected to know stuff? It's just too much for poor Anthony.

Above: Austin and his baffling choice of assistants, Anthony.

Finally Michael gets his pick. Yay! Rami is still available! He's great at draping and is one of the best talents of the bunch. Yet Michael picks...April. WHAT? I know they're pals, but...uh...WHAT? Don't you want someone who's fast and good and .... sigh. Nope, he just wants to have lunch with his pal. I give up.

Above:  Even April doesn't understand why she's been picked. She had theatre tickets that night and everything.

The rest of the episode just showed some of the work that went in to the designs, but didn't reveal too much about the clothes themselves. We won't get to see those until next week when we see the final runway. But here are a few behind-the-scenes pictures and a couple of sneak peaks:


Above: Austin's work in progress





Above: Michael working on something for his "safari adventure" collection.



Above: I'm hoping this looks better when it's done. By definition it would have to.


Above: Mondo moping that Austin always gets what he wants (probably because he says what he wants while Mondo mopes and says nothing)




Above: Why don't *I* have a table with a sparkly silver shoe centrepiece??




A Sneak Peak:

Austin Scarlett (I know he loves the Little Bo Peep hair, but if you took that away it's a dress I could see a lot of women wearing)


Michael Costello (do you think he just looked at a picture of Diane von Fursentberg when he styled his model?)


Mondo Guerra (I like the giant sperm on her skirt!)

We'll have to wait until next week to see the runway show and find out who will win. Predictions? For me, I think that Mondo is the only one of the three who was really "robbed" in his season, so I'd like to see him win. I guess we'll find out next week!

UPDATE: A reader asked what shoes Joanna Coles was wearing in her office when the designers went to see her. I believe they are United Nude's Black Frame Triangle Heels from 2010 (only $498, or half my rent!):

I saw this on FashionBombDaily.com http://fashionbombdaily.com/2010/05/17/shoe-lust-united-nudes-black-frame-triangle-heel/

(If you're watching the episode online, it's at the 5:48 mark when you see Joanna walking down the hall.)

Thanks Peggy!

Fashion Star--Season 1, Episode 1--Pilot

Fashion Star: Is it worth it?



So I watched the series premiere of Fashion Star and I'm not sure what to think. It has some cool ideas, like having buyers from major retailers onstage to give instant feedback in the form of monetary offers to the designers. On the other hand, it has a lot of flash. A lot. Maybe too much.

As I was watching it I described it as "going to a planetarium during a light show." It still has some cool stuff, being a planetarium and all, but it's hard to see the constellations with all the smoke and lasers and marijuana smell. At this point my partner Mike laughed at me for saying "it's still cool, like a planetarium" because I'm that kind of nerd.

Okay, I've never really been to a planetarium, but I am kind of a nerd about fashion-based reality shows. Project Runway is obviously the benchmark and the rest are just various kinds of knock-offs. The question is, will this one be worth the trouble? Well, it's on CTV.ca so I won't have trouble finding episodes, so let's give it a go.

The main premise of the show seems to be as follows:

Host Elle McPherson gets designers to present their designs in a flashy runway show in front of the judges (Jessica Simpson, Nicole Ritchie and that other guy) and buyers from Macy's, Saks Fifth Avenue and H&M. If the buyers like the looks, they make an offer. The highest bid will then carry the designs in their store, which will be available the next day. If no one makes an offer then the designer is up for elimination. Later, the judges have to decide who, of the losing designers, stays and who goes home.

In the first episode, it seemed like a whole bunch of designers went home and only one was saved (we'll talk about him in a minute) so I'm not sure what's going to happen next week. At this rate, the series could be over in three episodes.

Ultimately the winner is supposed to win a contract worth $6 million that includes being carried in all three stores, a prize that apparently none of the judges even have. Gee, I wonder why that could be? Could it be because their judges (or "mentors") are really just models or pop starlets (or whatever the hell Nicole Ritchie is) who have vanity lines and aren't real designers?

Fashion Star is to Project Runway what American Idol is to The Voice. It's flashier, showier, more likely to have actual fireworks at any given moment, and has "mentors" who everyone has heard of but whose credentials are iffy at best. Want to know how to really make it in the music industry? Why not ask Cee-Lo? He did have that one novelty song that was a medium-to-big hit, that one time. Want to know how to be a real fashion designer? Clearly you should ask Nicole Ritchie. Why wouldn't you?

But none of that matters because the real star of Fashion Star is Oscar Fierra. The pint-sized designer seems to made up entirely of flamboyance and the ability to always find his light. He may not be able to design very well, but who cares? He "reality shows" extremely well. That's right, if "reality show" were a verb, Oscar would be reality showing at an advanced level.



But there is one thing about Oscar that intrigues me (confuses me...traumatizes me...) more than anything else. If you didn't notice this in the first viewing of this show, you must go back and rewatch it. Skip to the part where they do Oscar's home visit. Did you see it? No, it's not the wall of colourful hats. Not the room of doll-sized ball gowns that he seems to making just for himself. Nope, not the miniature pony he rides around town so he can feel like a giant. No, it's the crib. That's right. The crib.

For some reason, Oscar has a baby crib in his room next to the bed. Now I know it's a crib because it's almost identical to my daughter's crib. And I also know that Oscar doesn't have kids in his house. He does have dogs. Do the dogs sleep in the crib? Maybe. Or maybe...

That's right. I'm suggesting that it's possible that Fashion Star's Oscar Fierro has some strange fetish and sometimes sleeps in a crib. Do I know this for a fact? No, of course not. But I have so many questions...

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 10: Let's Get Down to Business

It's down to the final four and the designers are tasked with creating a commercial look that can be manufactured (locally) on a budget. It was interesting to see how a coat that retails for $500 only has about $65 in the budget for fabric. Wow, those manufacturing costs and markups really add up!



Despite a few minor snipes back and forth between Kenley and Mondo, the designers seem to be moving along smoothly. Of course, their workroom visits are coming up so they'll all have to explain to Joanna Coles exactly what kind of bra you can wear with each of their looks. It's sometimes literally her only question.


Kenley Collins
I've never disliked Kenley's designs, and I don't dislike this either. But the other designers have pointed out that she never seems to take the time to line up her patterns along the seam lines, but she doesn't make them so "unlined up" that it looks intentional either. So overall it looks a little cheaper than she probably means it to. I think she expects her great prints to speak for themselves sometimes but I know she can do better.



Michael Costello
I'm not sure why Michael isn't criticized as much as Kenley is for making the same dress over and over again. It's nice and I would wear it if I had the height and shape to pull it off, but what would a runway show of his look like? It would look like Mrs. Roper from Three's Company was having a dozen hot models try on her clothes for her.



Mondo Guerra
Do you ever feel like Mondo's models aren't cool enough to wear his clothes? I love everything Mondo's ever done and I hope he wins, but this model looks like a mom in an early 80's laundry soap commercial who has stumbled into her modern daughter's wardrobe. I don't know. Maybe it's the beige hair and beige shoes.



Austin Scarlett
Another case of a model looking crappy in an otherwise great garment. I love the colour and the silhouette, but it fits oddly. The arms are too short, the hemline's a tad high, and the fit in the shoulders seems odd to me. Oh my god, Austin made this for HIMSELF, didn't he?

So in the end, the final three are Mondo (the winner--hooray!), Austin and Michael. As a fan, there is something very satisfying about seeing the three contestants whose personalities I found the most endearing making it all the way to the finals. Oh gee, you don't think the producers knew that, do you? No, couldn't be. Although it does make me think of Elisa's exit interview in which she said that Austin Scarlett should win, not because of his designs, but because it would make the best overall narrative. Hmm...

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 9: When I Get My Dress in Lights

Lights, Camera, Are You Kidding Me?

This week's episode was the sort of silliness that previous episodes of Project Runway would have made fun of. The designers had to literally incorporate lights--actual LIGHTS--into their looks and then show them on a black-lit runway. Oh for god's sake, really? REALLY? My only hope is that Isaac accuses the designs of being "too costume-y."


Here's Angela trying to pretend like designers have to incorporate lights and glow sticks into their designs all the time. Yeah, it's totally normal and not at all stupid.


Austin is excited about the lights challenge. VERY excited.


The Runway

Austin Scarlett
Well, good for Austin for basically making an Austin dress that had a little lighting effect, like if the Austin Scarlett woman was in a weird sci-fi movie. But I think the real star here was Austin's face when he found out about the challenge. As Joel McHale said, "it blew his feeble mind."



Jerrell Scott
Jerrell always talks a good game (almost like he wants to be a reality TV star, huh?) but his taste is just never there. Granted, this was a ridiculous challenge that couldn't possibly bring out the best taste in anyone, yet Jerrell still found a way to let it bring out his worst. But maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I just don't realize how many women who wear giant lights on their heads, faces, boobs and hips are actually quite shy and conservative and feel the need to wear bulky long sleeves and maxi skirts to their ankles. It might be a niche market. You know, for Amish ravers.



Kenley Collins
This might be my favourite look that Kenley has ever done. Is that a good thing? I'm not sure anymore.



Michael Costello
It's interesting that he went with a sort of samurai inspiration, but was that on purpose? I can never tell with Michael.



Mondo Guerra
Mondo likes to be the weirdest guy in the room and he likes his designs to be quirky and odd. So when you throw in a bunch of lights and suddenly EVERYONE is being weird and quirky, it kind of throws him. It's like he couldn't "out-quirky" the quirkiness of the challenge. All in all, it looks like Puss 'n Boots went to Vegas to get into a cage match.


The Results:
Austin's was the least stupid so it won. Jerrell's was the most stupid so it lost. That's really what it came down to. But secretly I did love Kenley's.

Project Runway All-Stars Episode 8: O! Say, Can You Sew?

My Dress is a Visual Representation of the Flag of the Republic of ME!


The designers were brought to the United Nations to pick out flags from six countries (and a few "those are countries? really? who knew?") which they would use as inspiration for their runway looks. They were to be inspired by both the flag and the culture of the country they picked. And, as you would expect, all of the designers rose beautifully to the challenge and created looks you could tell from a mile away were inspired by their chosen countries. Just kidding! They did the same shit they always do, but with more explanation.



 

The designers, all looking interested and vaguely patriotic. Except my girl Austin, who is apparently distracted by a butterfly. I love Austin. I hope he's on this show FOREVER, even after it's over.

The workroom was a little boring, unless you're interested in Joanna Coles' thoughts on bras (HINT: She's pro. VERY PRO.) so let's just skip to the runway.



The Seychelles Islands are an independent Creole-speaking island nation in the Indian Ocean. Austin saw their colourful flag and squealed with delight, promising to make the best "seashell" dress ever.



Jerell Scott: Because bad taste is universal.



After seeing what the designers came up with this week, the judges decided that it was a stupid challenge and almost just gave the win to Kenley. What was her country? Texas? France? I forget. Who cares?



Michael Costello may be the only contestant in PR history for whom the challenges are too LONG. It only takes him 20 minutes to make a stunning dress. Unfortunately, it takes him 24 hours to make a bedsheet with a pageant bouquet on the shoulder.



It's not Mila's fault that so few countries have flags that are only black and white. Still, this dress inspired by Papua New Guinea is spot on. In fact, if you do a quick Google Image Search of "Papua New Guinea" they're all wearing this exact outfit. In every single one. It's weird, really. Go ahead and search. I'll wait.



My favourite thing about Mondo's dress is how disappointed Isaac was when it referenced the flag of Jamaica in the back. Like the other judges, he had already decided that this challenge was stupid and he didn't want to do it anymore.

My second favourite thing about Mondo's dress is that he learned that Jamaica is known for a laid back attitude, "according to the dossier." Whew! It's a good thing Mondo had that dossier, otherwise how would he have known?



Mila, trying to explain that this dress is not the stupidest thing on the runway. To illustrate her point, she wore these tights.

So to recap: Mondo won (What did he win? Nothing, I think. Just bragging rights. Haha! My dress looked more like Jamaica than yours looked like seashells! Or something.) and Mila lost. Man, she fought Jerell tooth and nail for that loss, but she earned it in the end. Well done, Mila. It truly was the stupidest thing on the runway.

NEXT WEEK: The designers have to design dresses out of glow sticks and fiber optic lights! Oh, I wish I were kidding.